Not feeling well...

Not really sure what it is....I feel achy, sick to my stomach, and super emotional. I just want to sleep for a week and a half. I am beginning to think it is no longer stress and maybe just maybe one of my chronic illnesses is coming back and making me feel like total crud. It was only a couple of years ago that I had to have surgery done because of excess bleeding that would last weeks at a time and cause cramping and extreme fatigue. Just a few years before that I had to have breast surgery because of a chronic inflammation that would cause extreme pain, swelling, redness, and needed it needed to be cut open and drained and I was told that I may need to have it done again. I am currently having some spotting issues (though I was "visited just a week and a half ago) and I am swelling and red on my breast again. I honestly can say I do not have time to get sick and need anything important done. I have just been offered that new job and could start anytime once I have completed all the pre-work tasks for the position. 

I am so tired.....I am going to leave you with something to think about so that this whole post isn't a total complaint :) 

#MamaIsWorried #Bedtime 

Overtired Mama

I think I am suffering from severe overtired mom syndrome. I am not sleeping well lately because my mind gets away from me like the moment I try to shut it off. I will start thinking about what I got done during the day, and what I didn't get done during the day. I will think about future appointments, jobs, money, birthdays, holidays, the kids, you name it and my mind decides that bedtime is the perfect time to think about it all! 

I am sure many of you know what I mean, and the more you tell yourself to stop thinking, the more you tend to think about. It is a never ending circle. 

One of the worst parts of being overtired besides the fatigue is that fact that I am uber sensitive. I feel very emotional on occasion even a little day-dreamy. I made the mistake of catching a sappy movie on TV and my daughter wanted to know why I was crying. Honestly I wasn't sure what to tell her, so I tried to explain to her what I was feeling, she didn't understand and eventually she went to her room to play dress-up because "Mommy is being silly" as she told her little brother when he followed her. 

I am hoping all I am feeling is just stress and fatigue and not anything serious. I suppose the only way I would be able to figure that out is with sleep but who knows when I will get enough of that. 

Being a Mama is a 24 hour a day job and Spencer has had some strange nights lately, plus I am still adjusting to the school schedule...it is all about the changes that I am getting used to. The worries for the future that will probably NEVER go away, the weird dreams, the wishing for things to start feeling better and not so crazy stressed. 

I am an overwhelmed, over-tired Mama....as I am sure many are! 

Tomorrow is a new day!  I am determined to get some GOOD sleep tonight *insert sarcastic "yeah right" laugh here* 

Goodnight faithful readers and please feel free to leave me some extra energy you may have in the comments *wink wink* 

#MamaNeedsSleep #TheSunWillComeUp #Tomorrow 

Some good news with a little worry....

On Saturday I received a phone call interview from one of the places I applied to. The interview went pretty well and I was told I would hear back from the company by the end of the day. The day went on and I was starting to think that perhaps the interview didn't go as well as I had thought....until about 4:29 pm! I was working on making dinner when the phone rang and I quickly picked it up.

 "I'm looking for Suzanne..." and for the next 20 minutes I chatted with the head of the company about the job and how I felt about it and whether I still felt like I would be a good fit for the position. We chatted about my availability, my family, the pay and various other things for a bit before she told me that she thought I was great and that she would send her opinion and notes back to the woman I had my first interview with, I thanked her for her time and she for mine and we hung up.  I was buzzing with hope and figured it would be another day before I heard whether or not I had gotten the position.  

As I sat down to dinner with my kids the phone rang again. I got a little nervous as I looked down at the caller ID and saw the number lit by the orange glow on the screen. It was the company again! I was told that I was being offered the position and that I would receive an email with all the details and the pay rate for the job. I would have 24 hours to decide if I wanted it! Well DUH. Sure the hours are not always a guarantee, I could work any time from 10 hours to 32 hours depending on the need but I figure ANYTHING is better than nothing at all! and even 10 hours at $12/hr is $120 a week before taxes, and that is way better than $0!!! 

So now that part that I have to worry about...Turns out the dress code of the position is a WHITE, long sleeve, button up, collared shirt. The part about that that sucks is that not only do I NOT have a shirt that fits that criteria, but I don't own a white shirt period! At least not one that hasn't been stained by my wonderful little kiddos. Oh and shoes, it requires BLACK closed toe sneakers/shoes.  My sneakers are green, and holey, and just not going to work.  Now why is this something to worry about? Well because I don't really have the money to buy these things, not even if they are inexpensive....

So I have to try to find the money to get these items, look into childcare since DJ and I will have overlapping shifts if he is working, and check out the bus schedules so that I can get home from work when my shift ends. I have to say right now I am freaking out just a LITTLE bit. I AM however hopeful.....very very very hopeful! 

I am going to try to do this.....key word is TRY! :) 

Fit for a Prince and Princess

Today I wanted to be able to see some kind of progress in this house as far as getting it ready for our up-coming inspection, so I starting getting things as organized as possible. I started in the kid's room. It was a total mess, toys on the floor, beds unmade, dirty clothes everywhere and nothing hanging in the closet like it should have been.  

It took Mckenzee and me about an hour and a half and some AWESOME Disney tunes to get it all done and looking really good! 

Sleepy is taking a nap in her reading chair! 

No more overflowing top bunk! 

Even Spencer's bed got made perfect for the Prince!

All filled with her dresses! 

We gave Spencer a snack so we could finish cleaning the clothes up and make the beds. Once it was all done we did a quick vacuum and then Mckenzee decided she wanted to go outside and play with her friends! Since she had done such a great job helping me make her room look good I think she deserved  to have some fun (besides Spencer needed a nap!)

I was also able to get the front hall closet, the living room and some of the kitchen done as well. I still have a lot of work left to do in the house since I have to finish the kitchen, the deck, the bathroom and our room. I have until the 17th to get it all done and I am hoping to be done way before that so I can just do touch-ups on the 16th and have it all ready for inspection. I think I am off to a good start! 

I also made an awesome roast chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob dinner as well! Spencer especially loved eating the corn on the cob, he ate a whole ear himself! 

Oh and the biggest achievement of the mealtime....Spencer ate his mashed potatoes this time, which is funny because for the first time I made them with a little sour cream in them. (I am thinking I am going to try to do that every time I make them so he will eat them.)

Now the kids are all tucked in, I have my to do lists all queued up on www.cozi.com (my favorite family organizer site/app), and I am enjoying a movie and some ice water before bed. Tomorrow starts another school week, a trip to the store for some milk, and some more cleaning up to get things awesome! I am looking forward to bed and some rest before the morning! 

Goodnight you awesome readers! 

#AccomplishedMama #CleaningMachine :) 

New Recipes, New School, New Outlook!

New School: Yes Miss Mckenzee started her first day on September 3rd 2014. (above picture is last year's and this year's first day pictures). She was very nervous about starting in a new school but she seems to adapted really well. She has run into the kids she plays with here in our neighborhood there and of course she LOVES school so she is able to just be her smart little self and fit right in perfectly! Oh and here is the best part of the new school. Since it is within a mile of her home she has to be a walker. So every (good weather) day we will be walking to and from the school. That mean the 0.73 miles to will be walked a total of 4 times by me in one day, most of the time I will also be pushing a 28.5 lb boy in a stroller as well! I did the math and that means in one week of walking her there and home (weather permitting) I will have walked 14.6 miles! Healthier me here I come! ....OOOH and I meant to mention I got the Mom of the day award because I had warm BLUEBERRY MUFFINS waiting for her for when she got home from her first day! 

On another not today has NOT been my day! Though I woke with every intention of having my get up and go, shortly after I arose.....IT WAS GONE! I started my day with a change of the baby boy, breakfast for the little ones, then dishes, where I dropped several, soaked my shirt significantly enough to warrant a wardrobe change and slipped twice on the floor. Then on to make my breakfast where I promptly burned my toast, followed by my wonderful son standing in front of me saying "bite, bite bite" over and over.....and over again. Ahhh then on to making the grocery list for our trip to the store. Fairly uneventful there and went rather smoothly. So at the store, daughter has several small whiny break downs which tend to grate on my easily aggravated nerves, son has a breakdown because he is over tired and hungry by the end of the trip therefore I am giving him grapes out of our shopping bags to keep him happy! Honestly as the day went on it was one little thing after another, dropping this here, tripping over that there, spilling this, forgetting that.....and so on and so on. Pretty soon time for bed and hopefully tomorrow will go a little better...I am optimistic that my new healthy outlook will show some results eventually. I am also going to start taking the time to do a little beginner's yoga to help with my stress so that maybe just maybe I can be a little more calm. We shall see...

Recently I cooked something new, not too different but new to us either way. I made Sweet & Sour Chicken stir fry. It was pretty yummy! Mckenzee LOVED the chicken but was not very fond of the veggies (she is picky about her vegetables) but she likes rice so she ate a lot of the chicken and rice and some of the vegetables that she did like. All in all I think it was pretty good and I would try it again maybe with the vegetable mix I know Mckenzee will eat! 

Here are some pictures of what I used to make it, it was very easy and very quick! Now I just have to try that recipe for the cream cheese rangoons that we have been wanting to have and we will be having our own little Chinese dinner without spending an arm and leg! 

 Total price for this meal ended up being about $10 and I had enough to feed, Spencer, Mckenzee and myself as well as have enough for me to freeze for two more mini meals that I figured I could use for lunches since Mckenzee will be in school or on a night when I am making leftovers to use them up! 

NO matter what it was nice to try something new and it looked really nice when it was finally done! This month when we went shopping I decided to get the things for some new recipes I found on www.BettyCrocker.com  including Mini Chicken Pot Pies, Muffin Tin Meatloaf, and Apple Dumplings! We also got a lot of different produce I am hoping to find some uses for. Sometimes I wish we had just a little bit more money so I could buy lots of fruits and vegetable to eat. Spence LOVES grapes, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, green beans and peas! Mckenzee loves melons, bananas, cauliflower, carrots, celery and oranges! I love almost any fruits or vegetables as long as they are not canned. (I have nothing against canned but some vegetables should just NOT be canned.) 

So that is a bit of an update for now, tomorrow I am thinking I will give you all a growth update of my little beans and letting you know how they are sprouting! (Spencer had his appointment this week and he is growing fast and excellently) 

Ta ta for now faithful readers! 

#MamaMoments 

So it Begins....

It all starts now. 

First it is school, my daughter starts second grade on Wednesday! She is so excited, she is in a new school (hopefully this is the last "new school" in a while)and she LOVES school. This year she actually got a character back pack (for the first time) Disney Fairies! She also has some great back to school outfits thanks to her Gramma and Memere back in CT! My son started middle school this past week and he is a little less excited than his sister. He has always had a little trouble with school because of his ADHD but with the program he is a part of he has been doing well. He is an excellent speller and pretty good at word math problems (like his Mama ;) ). It bums me out a little that I don't get to see him when he goes to school and such but I know it won't always be that way. I am a little disappointed that his father (the photographer) couldn't get a good picture of Andrew on his first day I mean seriously, I thought he prided himself on picture taking skills! 

Now soon to follow after school starts is Halloween, my mother's favorite holiday! This will be Spencer's first Halloween where he can actually walk on his own AND have (some) of the treats he gets. I am hoping that I can make a Halloween dinner or treat sometime close to it just to make it really fun for them this year! 

 This picture is from about 4 years ago and to this day is still one of my favorite shots from pumpkin picking when I had my oldest boy and daughter with me! They are so cute in this picture! My mom thinks I should send it in to Jones Soda for their photo bottles! 

Before I know it after Halloween passes it will be time for Thanksgiving and then *YIKES* CHRISTMAS!!! 

This Christmas will be DJs and my first one on our own without anyone else in the house! Just us and the kids! We even have our own ornaments and everything so I am kinda excited for it to come...except for the recent job loss part that totally bites! 

We are making it all work and we are doing it on our own. We are going to make the best of whatever we can in this holiday season and for many more to come! 

Well that is all I have time for right now readers! Hope you enjoyed and know that BECAUSE my little girls starts school on Wednesday, there will be a picture filled blog of her *YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED* :) 

#MakingItWorkTogether 

Do you believe......?

Just a little bit about my hobbies, when I am not child wrangling I like to write and draw. Since my art supplies are low I am focusing on the writing more than I usually do. I am currently writing a novel that I am about halfway through now. The reason I am telling you this is because the story I am writing is about supernatural abilities, people, places etc. This is important to know because as I am sitting here attempting to write I am also watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel!  I am beginning to think that maybe this is not a good combo before bedtime.

(On a random note I think the neighbor is making Tuna Casserole)

Anyways,  I have to say that I am a believer in the supernatural, I do think that there is a possibility of spirits and energies that cannot always be seen but can be experienced. Sitting here watching this show I am feeling a little uneasy and of course VERY jumpy, more so than I would be for watching a horror movie. Which is silly because I am not where they are, and I am fairly certain that where I live is not haunted in any way, but still my hair is standing up on my arms and I keep looking around the well lit room like a crazy person. I actually had to stop my writing to do this blog post because I could not concentrate on the writing at all! The more of this show I watch the more shivers I get and the more creeped out I feel but for some reason I cannot turn it off! *shaky laugh*

Now I am so morbidly curious in this show to the point of recording future episodes, how crazy is that. I think it is the adrenaline rush of the scary thought that there could be supernatural spirits anywhere that not only makes me jumpy but so curious to find it in my own world/home/life.

Well I am going to go finish watching this show because it is getting very interesting and I would love to hear your views on the supernatural/spirits.

DO YOU BELIEVE?

#Spirits #Fear

Bragging About Baby

Today I feel like talking a little about Spencer, or rather bragging about him. Since his sister is in CT on vacation with her Gramma I am getting some one on one time with my littlest boy and learning all kinds of new things about him. 

Today I was able to catch him singing "Let it Go" from Disney's Frozen (as if ANYONE out there doesn't know that). The video I got of him was only maybe 5 seconds worth of him singing but it was enough to get the jist. He is adorable! 

He likes to repeat EVERYTHING!!! So of course now is the time for me to keep a hold on my tongue so I don't teach him a new word he is a little too young to say or understand. He can say a good amount of words now too such as:

Ball
Juice
Milk
Eat
Night Night
Bye bye
Hi
No
Uh-oh
Ouch
More
Go
Bath
Daddy
Mama
I 
You

and he understands words like:

Dance
Sing
Sit
Down
Up
Hug
Kiss
Love

Nothing beats the sound of him saying these words or seeing him dance or sing. His little tiny voice is so darn cute I want to hug him all the time! Okay maybe not ALL the time, when he is knocking over a shelf or pulling out all the DVDs or trying to raid the garbage can I am NOT his biggest fan. So yeah MOST of the time I want to love him up and give him kisses! 

That's all I have to say about that! Brag over! 

Spencer -now 16 months and 17 days old! 

Love This Boy!!! 

An Anxious Mama

Her suitcase is packed, her clothes set out for the morning and here I sit wondering if there is anything I may have forgotten. Like any mother would I am worrying about her flying to CT without me and her father. However this trip she is taking to her Grandma's house is going to be good for her. She will see her Memere, Grandma, Grandpa, her Aunts and Uncles, and possibly Andrew if the times sync up right. (insert the eyeroll at his bio-father being a bit of a jerk) I am just hoping she has a good time and comes back in one piece (small laugh) 

I just wanted to get this out, now I am going to finish the horror movie I foolishly put in before bed, and then crawl under my covers and hide like a sissy until I fall asleep!

Goodnight Blog-World! 

Video Fumbles and Movie Critics

So I discovered today that when I am on the spot in our own videos I freeze like a deer in the headlights. I have no idea what happened, in my head I had plenty to say and if DJ hadn't been sitting right there I may have been able to just talk but I felt pressured and a bit scared that I was going to say something stupid which is just CRAZY because it is our own project and there is no one that can say a thing about it.

Oh and for those who are not sure what I am referring to go on and visit this page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Hers-His-and-Ours-Movie-Project/783119048400825   

My fiance and I have started our fun page showing our reviews and experiences in watching EVERY movie we own each one time together until we have gone through our entire collection. Today we did our intro video and our movie follow-up video. In both videos I am a bit of a dip, I am a total girl and the whole time I see it recording I am thinking in my head "Is it too dark" and "Oh my god is that what my hair looks like right now" and "Oh shit, what was I gonna say?!" Then when I had to talk I was mute, unable to form a word of what I had originally planned!

I am hoping that as we go on I will get a little better and that each video will seem a little more informed and less duh on my part. Our hope is that other couples, singles, families will get together with whoever or whatever (ie cats, dogs, friends) and either watch the movies along with us or just get inspired to take the time to enjoy a movie together maybe one they have never seen, one they have been wanting to see, or one they would refuse to watch before but have decided to compromise and see what their (significant other, friend, cat) has been fussing about!

So visit the page, I am sure if nothing else you will laugh at my speechless self trying to review movies that were not FANTASTIC but not BAD either. Enjoy!

#MoviesWithOthers #300PlusMovies

A Fun Idea!

So today my fiance had to fix a shelf in our living room that holds all of our movies (well all of the grown up ones, the kid ones have their own shelf) and he came up with a fun idea of something for us to do together. 

We own a LOT of movies, over 300 and we like to watch movies together but trying to agree on one is a struggle, there are very "guy" movies I am not really into...ie: The A-Team and there are "girly" movies he isn't exactly dancing with joy about watching, ie: The Notebook. 

So....we are going to start a FB page/Blog where we watch one movie at a time, maybe one a day when possible or as often as we can and then we will video blog about our experiences while watching and review/rate the movie on a scale for couples. When we get to a family friendly movie will will include our Mckenzee and hear what she has to say about enjoying the movie together as well.  I think this is not only a fantastic idea but a great way to inspire other couples or families to maybe try to find something like this to do together and share with others! 

We are probably going to start it around the beginning of next month (September 1st) and plan on getting the FB page up soon and invite those of you we think may enjoy the fun with us. Keep an eye on your invites and on your our pages to see when we have it up to check it out! We would love the feedback and hope it becomes a fun thing we all can share together (maybe you can check out the same movies that night and share YOUR experiences too). 

#ComingSoon #MamaMovieFun

Hard to stay standing, when again I have fallen....

This morning I woke up and was tired, I had worked a new shift at work yesterday, had trouble sleeping last night and was not entirely ready to greet my alarm at 2:15am with a smile. Still I got up, ate my Special K and headed to work ready to bust my butt for that paycheck like I do everytime I go in! 

Little did I know that my day was about to take a turn for the worst not even an hour into my shift...Apparently today marked the 90th day of being an employee and it was once again review time. As my name was called to the front office and I was leaving my area of work I looked at my supervisor and said uh oh, he laughed and said not to worry it was probably just my review and I'd be back to finish up my work in no time....WELL he was wrong and he had no idea how wrong, I was terminated. 

The reasons were:

I called out twice during my time there (yet if I had gone to work sick I would have gotten in trouble) and....I wasn't a fast enough worker (even though I worked faster than a girl who had been there for 3 years) 

I was devastated, hell I still am! When I was told that I would not even be finishing my shift and to turn in my badge and employee card my heart broke and it took everything in my power not to cry right there in front of my boss....but I held it together as I gave her what she needed and held my head high until I was back at my car...but then I was taken over with my emotion and I sat in my car for about ten minutes crying my eyes out before finally making the 1/2 hour drive home.  As soon as I got home I looked around at the dark house and checked on the kids to make sure they were still asleep (as it was only 5:30am) then I grabbed my laptop, flipped on my DVR and started job searching. By the time the kids woke up at 7:00am I had found about 6 jobs to apply to and had completed the process (including questionnaires and such) of three of the places! I have a few more to do as well as checking out some new leads that I found today when talking to others in the area, but I am too tired to attempt that right now since I have been up since 2am. 

One of the parts that really stings is that I was FINALLY making some friends, people that maybe I could be social with outside of work and now....that is over since I have no way of communicating with them and I was not allowed back on the floor to say goodbye to them before being locked out of the building...the only chance I really have of seeing them again is when I get my check on Friday next week but that is a slim chance as it is not a day they usually work. 

Time to start over again and hope for the best, I am also going to work on losing the weight I have been wanting to lose and getting the help with my unshakeable depression that seems to be looming over me in a bubble of grayness. (I am beginning to think I have a chemical imbalance.) It is just hard for me to feel positive after this setback, especially when this job was my first after ten years of stay at home mom status...It makes me feel like I have failed...but I think finding some help with get me through that. Here is hoping.

May tomorrow be a new day! A better day! 

#MamaHurts #NewFocus

Feeling Like ...

I think there are a few things I have to do soon. Lately my head doesn't feel right and my body doesn't feel right. I am doing my best to ignore some of it but lately it is catching up with me. I think with everything I have been through the past few years I have never really grasped it all and felt it all the way I should. There is so much in my past that is haunting me and I know I have to find an outlet, a way to get it out of me and say goodbye to it all. I know that not all the hurt I feel will go away because things are not as ideal as I would like (Andy). I also know that it is not what holds me back in anyway. What holds me back is my regrets, my mistakes, my history and I need to move on for it. Otherwise it will eat me up from the inside out and that is not what makes my life any better. I know I have issues and I know that there are some things that I will never have (a father who cares) but I can't live with the feeling that I am not good enough from it, I cannot keep putting my self down and pushing myself because I will break some day if I keep it up.....that is all I have to say right now...guess I really just need a good (girl)friend to hang out with and here I don't have one...but maybe someday...

#BrokenDownMama

I've Got Betty Crocker Fantasies and June Cleaver Dreams

For many years I have wished to be the kind of mom that was there when the kids got home from school, with fresh baked cookies, cold milk, and a smile. Yeah I had delusions that I was a 50s housewife....I now know better.

Now when the kids get home from school I have a vacuum in one hand, a screaming toddler on my hip, and a burning smell coming from the oven. My dreams have been shattered into to unrecognizable pieces due to the way the world works. 

One income is just not enough unless that person who works is 

A: a celebrity

B: A CEO of something

C: Donald Trump! 

To provide for our family takes two incomes, one of which I make at 3am! I get up between 2:15 and 2:30 am go to work and get home sometime between 8:30 and 10 am depending on the amount of work to be done and how many people decided to call out that day. When I get home the kids are either just getting up or just finishing breakfast and their father is wrangling them on his own. Sometimes I take the time he is home before heading to work himself and I lay down for a little bit since odds are I didn't sleep much the night before. (I average about 3 1/2-4 hours a night on a good night) After my nap it is usually time for me to take over anything else that needs to be done with the kids/dinner/housework so that my fiance can head out to work himself. He (most days) works from 4pm-midnight and sometimes even later! (I just got a call from him saying he is working extra tonight because he has to do inventory now since the person scheduled to do it is "sick") *sigh* ANYWAYS even with us BOTH working we just barely find ways to make ends meet. We do it and we make it work, but it is tough and stressful and tiring. I just want to bake cookies!!! 

Now don't get me wrong I try to find time to bake yummy treats and around the holiday season (October-January) I am a goddess in an apron cooking up all kinds of seasonal favorites which I will privy you to when the time comes. However it would be great to have an always clean house, no overwhelming laundry pile, the smell of yummy chocolate chip cookies wafting from the oven and a constant smile but this is not an episode of Leave it to Beaver! This is "The Avery-Mather-Hacketts" and we work hard, play hard, and are doing the best we can. 

I can find some solace in the fact that my kids are happy (most of the time), I wake each morning with the opportunity to breathe and make the day special, and that I KNOW I am doing the best I can and have FINALLY moved up in the world to a place where I can feel like a strong, confident, mother who loves her family! 

Now to change the subject a little just because I can. I made an excellent EASY stir fry last night that I threw together using little things I happened to have! 

Here is what I used:

1 chicken breast (cut into small bite size pieces)

{1/2 cup of orange juice

1 tsp garlic powder (I would have used fresh if I had it) 

1/4 cup of honey 

1/4 cup of Kikkoman Soy Sauce} 

mix all these together for your marinade and toss with chicken and refrigerate for 20 mins.

You will also need 

1 pkg. McCormack Brown Gravy Mix

1 cup water 

1 or 2 pkgs of Ramen (I used chicken flavored) or Mashed potatoes works well too! 

1 pkg of frozen stir fry veggies (I used Bird's Eye) 

Mix gravy mix and water and set aside...

Heat a 10 in skillet and 2 tbs of oil (use whichever you would like) cook chicken until no longer pink. In separate pan cook Ramen or Mashed potatoes using their cooking directions on the package. Once chicken is cooked add frozen stir fry veggies and cook until thawed and heated through. Stir the gravy liquid and slowly add to hot pan of veggies and chicken and cook until thickened. Toss with cooked Ramen or spoon over mashed potatoes. It is so good and so easy! 

I hope you take the time to try this at least once because it is so yummy. You can adjust this in any way and I invite you to post in the comments how it comes out so maybe I could try it as well! Happy Eating Faithful Readers, I hope you enjoyed my small dream...and my wacky reality! I would love you hear about what some of your dreams or accomplishments are feel free to share! 

#MamaBettyJuneDreamer #NewRecipes 

So He's Gone....

Took a piece of me with him too. As he always does when I have to say goodbye!

 I think I did remarkably well though considering how I was feeling on the inside, I didn't truly "lose it" until he walked away and waved goodbye...Then the flood gates opened and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I missed him the second he was out of my sight and I even now still have a lump in my throat as I sit here. I am trying my best to just keep my head up and I know I will see him again in 11 months but that is just so damn far away! I swear anyone who wants to know what a broken heart feels like, have a child after several doctors told you you NEVER would, love that child with your entire existence on earth, then have the father of that child pay a kick-ass lawyer to basically keep that child away from you for most of his life...I certainly got the raw end of the deal from a man who HAD to have a paternity test because he refused to believe said child was his!!!!

Ugh, anyway like I said I am sitting here a little broken but willing to make the best of a horrid situation. I know that only a few years more have to pass before my son can make the decision himself to choose where he would rather live, and judging from the way he talks about his father and the way he acted when I made him call him so he wouldn't think I was holding him hostage, I am pretty sure he would rather be here...with his baby brother and sister and his mother who knows that being his best friend AND his mother has to be delicately and appropriately balanced.

Tomorrow I am going to upload all the pictures of the fun we had the last two days with him before he had to leave all the way up to him watching his plane pull into the airport for boarding...I am just too tired and too hollow right now to do it! I PROMISE I will be more chipper tomorrow, maybe not "Susie-Sunshine" but on the way there...Good night!

Thank you all my faithful readers!

#MamaACHES

A Little Me Time

A deep breath, slowly release, repeat...

The children are in bed, the house is at the least 85% clean, and I am sitting here listening to "The Big Bang Theory" play in the background as I sip a Mountain Dew. I have pretty much unpacked every box that can be unpacked or that needs to be unpacked with the exception of a couple in the kids room and I am feeling like we are finally settled in now. 

It has taken us about three weeks to fully get to where we are now and I am happy that we have finally gotten this far. Sure I am still a little bummed about the week coming up and the saddening event that happens on Tuesday but it is awesome knowing that this is just all ours! 

Once we finish decorating and getting our vacuum and organizing stuff and the things that we can use to hang the pictures and other things in our house I am going to take some pictures so you can see just how cute our apartment is! 

Honestly at this moment the fact that I only have 3 hours sleep in me, it took me about 15 minutes to get my paycheck this morning after working a longer shift than I was scheduled, getting stuck in parade/construction/lost oil rig guy traffic and then picking up a small gift for my Andy at Walmart before FINALLY heading home and NOT having time to nap....I am feeling relatively good, tired but good! 

I have a full list of things I am hoping to get done tomorrow as well as making a yummy dinner of fried chicken, corn-cakes, loaded scalloped potatoes and a veggie  of some kind! We have to get this place in order and looking good because we are having company on Monday after we take Andy to Gameworks to celebrate his birthday! We invited over some of his friends and DJs uncle (and his friends) to have some cake and ice cream with us as our first guests in the new apartment. We are looking forward to it and I am going to have to find some time tomorrow to bake up Andy's cake so it is all done before I go to work on Monday morning since we leave for Gameworks shortly after I get home from work. 

...and on that note I think it is time for me to log off, get into my jammies, grab my bottled water, find something fun to watch on TV and get comfy! So good night and sleep tight, or good morning depending on where you are when reading this! 

As always THANK YOU for being my faithful readers! 

#MeTime #NewKindOfHappy 

Four Days

It is only four days until my heart breaks a little and I pack up my Andy and send him back to his dad in Connecticut. He is going to be taking a little piece of my heart with him when he goes too because even though he can drive me bonkers and fights constantly with his sister, life is just not complete without him.

I hate that the justice system thought it was better that he stay behind and I only get him for one month....JUST ONE MONTH in the summer! I miss his birthday which is just a few weeks away (he turns ten), I miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and Easter all because I wanted to pursue a better life for my family in another state. I really don't understand how they think that is fair in any way but there is nothing I can do about it right now....I lost the fight. A month just goes by way too fast! We spent most of it either having me work or packing/unpacking. There was no time, no money, just not enough of anything to make this the best I could....I just am not ready to let him go yet. (Not that I EVER am)

We have plans to celebrate his birthday/last day with us on Monday but because of all the last minute expenses we are unable to do exactly what we wanted. We are still hoping to do some of what we wanted but it is nothing like it could have been if things had been a little easier for us. I am still going to make the best of what I can and make him a yummy cake in his favorite flavors and colors! Hopefully I will be able to get him something as a gift but I don't know if I will be able to guess I have to wait and see how the bill paying goes.

In the long run I am just going to have to suck it up, send him back to CT and wait anxiously for next summer to come so I can hold him and kiss him and have him with me again. I am also doing my best to not let him know how much I am hurting because I don't want him to get upset but it is so hard. Guess I should be glad he can't see me at this moment because I can barely see what I am typing with the tears falling down my face....It is moments like these that make me wonder how any mother or father can give up a child or abandon or hurt one that they gave birth to...it hurts just to lose him for 11 months I couldn't imagine a lifetime....

I apologize for this being so sad and understand if you are upset now and I promise by next week to try and cheer up my posts but you are warned that any this week may be just as upsetting if not worse as his leaving nears and then arrives....I can't help it, I am a Mom and my baby is going away and I hurt.

Thank you for being a faithful reader and please leave a comment so I know someone out there understands or at least is reading :)

#MomsBrokenHeart

Choices...to do or not to do....

It is about five minutes before I turn off the glow of my laptop screen, hop in the shower and then head to bed falling asleep to the sounds of one of my favorite shows since my fiance works until midnight tonight. 

At work today I hurt my shoulder/neck when I lifted a large box of soy milk the wrong way and have spent the whole day having shooting pain and aches anytime I try to turn my head in any direction. I am hoping the hot water and some Tylenol will help it to feel better but I have to say it has hindered my ability to do the chores and other tasks I would have liked to have completed today. 

I skipped out on doing the dishes and folding laundry because I just could NOT move my arms the way I wanted. I did wash some laundry but that was mostly because I could pretty much do it all with my right arm.  (small smile for my moment of triumph) 

Anyways, I for some reason felt the need to write a little bit before heading into my nighttime routine. I am hoping to have a restful night in hopes that I can feel refreshed in the morning to whip out my chores and have enough time to relax a little and do something I WANT to do as opposed to HAVE to do. 

So I guess today is one of the days where I chose NOT to do....so tomorrow I will HAVE to do. :) 

.....and on that note.....

                                 Goodnight faithful readers! 

#MamaMoment

The Little Things

I have to say I have some pretty awesome kids. Yeah they drive me nuts on a daily basis and on occasion I want to lock myself in my room and watch something that isn't animated and doesn't have annoyingly catchy songs! But I have to say I think my life might be incomplete without them. 

Almost every day there is a moment that comes up where I think "awww I love them so damn much" for instance, today Spencer starting giving "Eskimo kisses"! He has seen his brother and sister giving them to us and apparently he wanted to as well. It was awesome! A few days ago Mckenzee was playing with her dolls when she came into the living room looking like this....

 She was "babysitting" for Andy and she was taking the baby for a walk and she had all the stuff she needed to take care of her. She was just so cute and made me laugh like crazy! Little did I know that at that time Andy was being silly as well. He was in their room doing his best to fit into two costumes that actually belong to his little baby brother. 

This was the end result.....

It was another moment that had me in a fit of giggles and thinking about how much I adore them! These are the moments I try to remember when they are fighting over who gets to sit in what chair or who gets to hold their little brother while they watch the movie!

These kids are my life and make it crazy, loud and as awesome as I could ever want it in a million years!

 So...even on those hectic, fight filled, crumb covered, toy scattered days.

I LOVE THEM SO DAMN MUCH! 

ALWAYS
     FOREVER............
To the MOON AND BACK!!!! 

Goodnight faithful readers! This Mama is heading to bed while they sleep because who knows when they will be up again :) 

A Whole New World!

So it is official...WE HAVE MOVED! We finally got out of that house that was holding us back and making us miserable. Now we have our own place, (about a half hour from work for me) but I am completely okay with that! We are so much happier, the kids are happier, and it is all a part of our growing up and moving up in life!

Andy has been here since the 29th of last month and it has had its ups and downs. He is AWESOME and I have missed him SOOOO much that even though he suffers from "only child syndrome" I still love him more and more every dang day! He is getting to be so big and in just a few weeks he turns 10!! WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?!
                                           

 I remember when he was just 3 years old and a tiny little boy just starting to grow big! He used to be so small and sweet and innocent and I am learning more and more just how much he has grown!!! He has grown into a smart, witty, goofball who steals my heart every time he says my name! I am going to be heartbroken when he leaves in just a little while and is gone for almost a year 3000 miles away! 

But now look he is all grown up with a little sister and a little brother to look after and be a role model for (sometimes not the best but he is young lol) 

I have also been employed for two full months and a really enjoying my job for the most part, there are those days when I feel like the least liked employee there and like they are just plain bitchy and clicky and not my cup of tea....but anyways, things are going good and I am pretty happy thus far! 

Hope you are all having an excellent summer and that you are finding things to be happy about!