Life Feels Different in 2022

 "Back to Normal....when will we be able to go BACK TO NORMAL?" I have heard so many people ask that question in this pandemic world we live in. 

I honestly think the answer to that question is very simple........NEVER! 

We will never be back to "normal" there is a new normal, a more chaotic version of life as we knew it. We have lost so much and gained so much at the same time. 

Many of us took up new hobbies and jobs when we lost the ones we had when the pandemic started. So, we have learned new things about ourselves and our ability to survive a change in our whole way of life. 

A lot of people are gone, passed away during this time, and many without their loved ones by their side. It has broken many and changed families in ways some people will never understand. 

Friendships were tested and some survived even the hardest of the time, but others did not and were broken up and lost. In a way, it is a good thing because you should keep people who build you up and are a positive and empowering gift, not ones that think it is ok to hurt those we love. Life can really change just the way it feels by the change in who you keep company with and share your life with. 

For me, the mother to three kids all at different stages of life, surviving the pandemic time and navigating a relationship, household, and the education of my children has been a severe test of my patience, my organization, and my multitasking abilities. 

I am a creature of habit and when this all started, having that habitual day schedule I had maintained for a while disrupted, well it kind of fucked with my mind and caused me to go into a bit of a panic mode. 

Now the time I took advantage of to clean and such around the house had to be spent making sure the kids were attending online virtual learning with several different teachers and printing out worksheets and making sure homework was turned in. 

Along the way, in the time I had for myself, I decided to really take stock of who I am and what I need in my life to be truly happy. I don't mean in the physical sense like trinkets and doodads that beep and such, but the qualities in my life and the hobbies that make me feel within my element. I had plenty of days that knocked the wind right out of me during the time when people I loved were lost along the way and I learned that life can change so quickly that you never really know how much time is left. So why the fuck not just do what adds joy to your life and find a way to make it work for you. See I am one of the lucky few who has a great support system to cheer me on and pick up the slack on the days I just cannot seem to pull it all on my own. 

I truly learned a lot about myself and who I am deep inside. I have learned to express my fears and my feelings whenever I needed help. I found ways to be more active and to really enjoy life.  I found my passions and started finding ways to ignite and keep the fires of my joy burning by incorporating them, into my life more and more each day. I have been learning so many new things like languages, artists, small business owners, and people who are like me and are working on both their physical and their spiritual journey through life be that however they so desire. 

All of this has changed me, has changed my family, has changed the entire world, and there is no NORMAL to our lives except whatever it is we do now and moving forward. Stop looking back, look forward, and make changes that will make you happy! Stop worrying about what is normal and know that however you are living your life IS NORMAL! 

As always, thanks for being here and reading my ramblings! Feel free to comment on something that changed in your life over the last few years. 

Creating A New Focus for 2021

As the sun rose on the new year it felt different. Social media wasn't flooded with resolutions to disappoint us halfway through the year, instead, there was a quiet, more careful approach to the year. We seemed to step into 2021 like a deer into a quiet clearing, our ears listening for danger, our feet ready to run into hiding. 

2020 had stirred up our anxiety, fear, and sense of self-preservation. With all the losses that 2020 brought we may wonder what this year has in store. So we tip-toed in and now are waiting to see what happens. 

At this point, I have made a decision to take it one day at a time. I will fill out my calendar with the important things, still make plans when possible (and as safe as can be), and embrace the year for improving myself and my family even more than we did in 2020. 

I was able to work with my family to have a pretty smooth last year so I feel like we really are in one of the best places to embrace this year with all we have. Knowing that we are still in the midst of the Pandemic and that it isn't safe to be with friends or distant family makes it a little bit glum for planning the year. We know we won't be able to celebrate any of the spring birthdays with anyone but our household, but for us that is okay, it means we will save some money, we will be safe, and we can always use the money later for planning something fun or the holidays at the end of the year. 

Instead of making resolutions this year, I came up with a list of "New Year Practices". This is a list of things that I would really like to work on and hopefully achieve a regularity of accomplishing. A few of these I started working on in the middle of last year. Now I have them written down and I can see them daily when I open up my household binder! 

Here is what I want to work on. 

1. Making meditation a daily habit. 

2. Communicating my feelings so I don't hold them all in. 

3. Getting some plants. (Not only will this be a fun thing for me because I love gardening, but also is good for my mental health and the quality of air in my home if I get the right ones.) 

4. Make healthier choices. (For this particular practice it includes small choices like not snacking on bad foods to larger choices like what workout to do for the best results.) 

5. PURSUE MY PASSIONS! (This includes everything from my photography, blog, vlog, art, and writing.) 

I think that each of these is easy to achieve with a little planning and hard work. 

Another resource I am happy to have found is the email list of 4 Hats and Frugal - Family Finance Expert. If you join the email list and read the blog you can get a free printable on Fridays as well as all kinds of useful information for using to live your best life. As a bonus to being one of her loyal followers, I was able to take advantage of a recent freebie that is the backbone of my year being what I want it to be! 

One of my favorite things to do to keep track of what I have to do is use lists and planners and low and behold....a freebie of a printable PLANNER! 

Now just as the title of the planner says I can be a more "Focused Mom". It has all the parts I need to organize my house for the entire year! 

If you like lists or want something to keep track of how busy life can get I highly suggest you get yourself a planner. Sometimes you can find a printable version online but if all else fails check Amazon or even just google it. There are tons of cute and functional ones out there to motivate you to organize! 

Another tool I tend to utilize is a large whiteboard, I am working on also getting a corkboard to go beside it but right now I use it for writing our menu for the day, decorate for the holidays, school schedules when we are getting used to them, and any other notices we need to be able to see in that day. 

I think to find some balance this year we have to be prepared for whatever we may have come our way. 

For some of us, that means organizing into planners and calendars so there are no surprises. We have to log when our payments of bills are due and try to put something aside in savings for unexpected bills. For the last couple of years by doing this we have been ready for any financial necessities, extra bills we add, and even for the holiday season to splurge a little more on gifts. This year I am going to make sure we stay on top and since the budget is always being checked against what is spent, we are always on top of things. We may not be the richest of families but we live a life that isn't unhappy. 

We do what we CAN with what we HAVE! 

It has worked for the last 4 years since our family changed and it has been great. Life has thrown its fair share (plus some) of lemons at us but all in all, I feel like our family has stuck it out pretty well only improving with time like a good cheese. (yeah I am not a wine drinker but love a good cheese) 

Just take this year and put into practice some ideas you have always dreamt about. Take it one day at a time, one task at a time, and don't forget to breathe and take time to dream! 

A 2020 Pandemic Holiday

So…take a few seconds to breathe because I know 2020 has been a "heartless b*tch". Unfortunately, I don't think that we are that close to returning to normal yet and though the year is almost over there is still a lot in store for us, so we need to make the most of what we have in our lives and use it to our advantage. 

This year it seems that we need some holiday cheer fiercely! We need to get our trees up, do our shopping, add our lights and sparkly garlands, start baking goodies and try to find something to make us smile amid all the sh*t the year has brought us. A lot of us have lost loved ones, spent holidays, and birthdays at home without those we wish we could be with. We've lost jobs, lost friends, and watched the country fall apart during a record-breaking election! It has been hard but not all is lost. 

My family has been lucky. We budget very well, are up to date on our bills, did not suffer any job loss in our home, and have been able to breeze through distance learning like we were meant to do it. Honestly, I owe most of our luck to the fact that my significant other already worked from home, I was already a stay at home mom, and I had supplies on hand for schooling at home because my kids love to learn and love to craft. For us the sadness this year came from missing birthday parties, not being able to visit family or friends, not being able to be outdoors in public places, the annual activities around the holidays that happen in our area, and for the kids, actually being in their classrooms with their teachers and friends. 

That's why this holiday season we are doing our best to make it as most like our traditional along with some new traditions thrown in. We have already started trickling the decorations out so we can see what we need, what might not have made it to this season, and what we have new to put out. Over the next couple of weeks we will be decorating, doing fun Christmas crafts and activities, getting visits from our elf Marshmallow, and baking all the fun goodies that bring us those feelings of nostalgia that we long for so much this year especially. 

My favorite memories of growing up with my Ma for Christmas meant making all kinds of cookies and cakes and treats and making gift boxes for friends and family members. We would decorate her tailoring shop, our house, and even our rooms sometimes. The best day was always Christmas Eve because that meant all the family was stopping by and we were opening all kinds of gifts we all had to pass out. We would cook up some kind of pasta dish we didn't have much like lasagna with sausage and meatballs or stuffed shells. There would be treats and punch and so much laughter and love and gift-giving! In my opinion, it was even better than Christmas morning (until I had kids). I miss it some days but now that I am a mom I am able to do some of those traditions by using my Ma's recipes, decorating, and making it all special and love-filled. 

As this month goes on I will try to update here with some fun family holiday ideas, recipes, and gift ideas. 

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday. Please wear your masks when outside the home, do not travel if you don't have to, wash your hands and stay socially distant so maybe next year we can all be together again! 

Simple Butter Drop Biscuits

****I don't know about you, but I myself absolutely love buttery crumbly biscuits with my sausage pepper gravy and this recipe is the best for it.***

You will need: 

• 1/2 cup butter (I like to use cold and shred it in with cheese grater) 
• 2 cups AP Flour
• 1 tbs baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3/4cup + 2 tbs milk (can use any kind, I've even used Almond milk) 
• 1 egg (beaten)

Steps to yumminess:

• Preheat oven to 450*F
• Grease cast iron, small baking sheet with parchment or round cake pan. (if using for biscuits with sausage gravy I recommend bacon grease it is awesome!) 
• Combine dry ingredients, shred or cut in butter until looks like a coarse meal, if you work fast you can do it with a fork first and then fully incorporate with your fingers (please wash and dry first rinse in cold to cool hands) 
• SLOWLY add milk while stirring. 
• Form into a round (lumps lol) and put close together in the pan, I like to make a kind of flower shape for it. ((See picture above))

Brush tops with beaten egg and bake for 12 minutes or until browned and baked through. 

**Tip* You may want to keep milk handy to moisten dough a little more if it seems dry, this will help them crumble a little less if you want to use them to have sandwiches or if you enjoy them like I do with a little honey or fresh fruit jam* 

This is also a great recipe to let kids make, just measure out the ingredients if they are under 7 and let them mix as the recipe states. If older than 7 supervise them measuring themselves to give them the practice. 

Heat Wave Awesomeness

It seems that in this wonderful state we moved to that I had loved the weather in for the last two years is doing its best to make me miss Autumn and Winter! Living up on the third floor during what has been said is the "Highest Temps since 1885" is making me a little cranky.

However I chose today to be the day where I refuse to even attempt to yell at the kids for anything. I am resting! I haven't really done that well since getting out of the hospital but I really needed to today. So amidst the heat and sweat I have done a whole lot of nothing except delegate and stir some Mac & Cheese.

Even the kids have been cooperative therefore I have let them kinda do what they want today. I gave them fair warning about two hours ago that I would be asking them to do some chores and told them that no matter what they were doing that as soon as I said "Okay kids time to clean up" they would put down their toys and help without any "Just one more minute"s or "Oh Mom, do I have to"s.  The best part, I did it and they listened! I didn't have to repeat myself or anything and they did exactly what I asked them to! I was shocked but didn't let them know how over excited they made me. (I didn't want to jinx it).

Right now as I type this I look around the room and one child is reading, once is playing a game on their tablet, and the third is sitting at the coffee table with some toys using his imagination to play. Though the TV is on they are barely watching it and as to not risk it being inappropriate programming I have Netflix on playing a show called Life that shows how (in this particular episode anyway) the creatures of the sea survive. With actual undersea video and moments caught it occasionally catches one of their attentions and it interests me so I feel like it is a small Mommy win, especially when they ask me questions about what is going on and it inspires my son to talk about one of his favorite subjects, the TITANIC! It seems he is a huge fan of all the things he can learn and knows about that famous ship and its demise! I am very proud that he can have a conversation with me about it and tells me all the things he knows including about the maker of the ship and who made decisions about it and EVERYTHING! I am even grinning now as I type away here enjoying the semi-quiet, non-fighting, easy to breathe in moment the children have allowed me.

I just felt like sharing this little bit. On this hot day, where it seems I just cannot get cool. Hope you are all enjoying your Friday and have big plans this weekend!

Proud Moments

So much has gone helter-skelter this month but among the dark clouds has been some outstanding sunshiny moments! 

At the beginning of the month I fell and injured my leg, and when I went to the doctor I found I have osteoarthritis in my knees and the fall had caused it to flare up. Long story made short, I have to keep it as immobile as possible for 3-6 weeks. Which means no work until I am given the a-ok from my doctor. (This is not good for our income but we will "Make it Work"! 

During the time of my injury the house came down with a stomach bug and took turns hitting each of us...prolonged in me for some reason. Mckenzee made me very proud during the time I came down with the bug though. She made sure I always had something to drink, that I had my ice pack or blanket if I needed and took care of her little brother and cleaned up with no muss and fuss which is very much unlike the typical "whine and moan" when asked to help out. She was awesome, even down to tucking in her brother and reading to him and then tucking me in too! 

Painted up for Dr. Seuss Day at School

She has also made me proud by cleaning up her room, doing her homework as soon as she gets home AND working on her Girl Scout Journey book as well. There has been no fighting to get the chores done when I ask and she has even kept the cry baby Kenzee to a minimum. 

Working with Daddy to build at her Dr. Seuss Family night.

She had her second dance class this week and loves it! 
She is really starting to blossom out here, between her new out look being learned at Girl Scouts and her need to be praised as much as possible, she has really pushed herself to do some great things and I could not be prouder. Next week is conferences at her school and I hope things are as great there as I think they are because I know she flies through her homework and always has it right! 

Now on to my awesome little boy! He is astonishing me day in and day out. He has an amazing vocabulary and lately it is rare that I do NOT understand him. He talks so much now and has learned to color, some of his shapes, some of his letters, and even some of his object words! 
Here is an updated list of what he has been able to say this month: 

Hello Mama/Daddy
Sit down on you butt! (yes he has heard that just a few times)
Help me!
Owie Owie (when he hurts himself)
Snack
Love you Mama/Daddy
Night night Mama/Daddy
Kenzee (he loves his big sister) 
Kisses (he usually says this if he need a boo boo kissed)
Mo-Mo (that is an Eskimo kiss with his nose) <----one of my favorites! 

Plus:
Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, circle, square, star, up, down, A, M, D, S, as well as shirt, socks, pants, shoes! 

He makes me smile, even when I want to pull out my hair because he also inherited my stubbornness and charm!

We have also really started getting Spencer into books as Mckenzee is moving up in her reading levels she has also been reading to him! I love them so much they make me so proud! 

Thank you all for reading!

#MamaMoments

#ProudKids

Feeling Like ...

I think there are a few things I have to do soon. Lately my head doesn't feel right and my body doesn't feel right. I am doing my best to ignore some of it but lately it is catching up with me. I think with everything I have been through the past few years I have never really grasped it all and felt it all the way I should. There is so much in my past that is haunting me and I know I have to find an outlet, a way to get it out of me and say goodbye to it all. I know that not all the hurt I feel will go away because things are not as ideal as I would like (Andy). I also know that it is not what holds me back in anyway. What holds me back is my regrets, my mistakes, my history and I need to move on for it. Otherwise it will eat me up from the inside out and that is not what makes my life any better. I know I have issues and I know that there are some things that I will never have (a father who cares) but I can't live with the feeling that I am not good enough from it, I cannot keep putting my self down and pushing myself because I will break some day if I keep it up.....that is all I have to say right now...guess I really just need a good (girl)friend to hang out with and here I don't have one...but maybe someday...

#BrokenDownMama