Life Feels Different in 2022

 "Back to Normal....when will we be able to go BACK TO NORMAL?" I have heard so many people ask that question in this pandemic world we live in. 

I honestly think the answer to that question is very simple........NEVER! 

We will never be back to "normal" there is a new normal, a more chaotic version of life as we knew it. We have lost so much and gained so much at the same time. 

Many of us took up new hobbies and jobs when we lost the ones we had when the pandemic started. So, we have learned new things about ourselves and our ability to survive a change in our whole way of life. 

A lot of people are gone, passed away during this time, and many without their loved ones by their side. It has broken many and changed families in ways some people will never understand. 

Friendships were tested and some survived even the hardest of the time, but others did not and were broken up and lost. In a way, it is a good thing because you should keep people who build you up and are a positive and empowering gift, not ones that think it is ok to hurt those we love. Life can really change just the way it feels by the change in who you keep company with and share your life with. 

For me, the mother to three kids all at different stages of life, surviving the pandemic time and navigating a relationship, household, and the education of my children has been a severe test of my patience, my organization, and my multitasking abilities. 

I am a creature of habit and when this all started, having that habitual day schedule I had maintained for a while disrupted, well it kind of fucked with my mind and caused me to go into a bit of a panic mode. 

Now the time I took advantage of to clean and such around the house had to be spent making sure the kids were attending online virtual learning with several different teachers and printing out worksheets and making sure homework was turned in. 

Along the way, in the time I had for myself, I decided to really take stock of who I am and what I need in my life to be truly happy. I don't mean in the physical sense like trinkets and doodads that beep and such, but the qualities in my life and the hobbies that make me feel within my element. I had plenty of days that knocked the wind right out of me during the time when people I loved were lost along the way and I learned that life can change so quickly that you never really know how much time is left. So why the fuck not just do what adds joy to your life and find a way to make it work for you. See I am one of the lucky few who has a great support system to cheer me on and pick up the slack on the days I just cannot seem to pull it all on my own. 

I truly learned a lot about myself and who I am deep inside. I have learned to express my fears and my feelings whenever I needed help. I found ways to be more active and to really enjoy life.  I found my passions and started finding ways to ignite and keep the fires of my joy burning by incorporating them, into my life more and more each day. I have been learning so many new things like languages, artists, small business owners, and people who are like me and are working on both their physical and their spiritual journey through life be that however they so desire. 

All of this has changed me, has changed my family, has changed the entire world, and there is no NORMAL to our lives except whatever it is we do now and moving forward. Stop looking back, look forward, and make changes that will make you happy! Stop worrying about what is normal and know that however you are living your life IS NORMAL! 

As always, thanks for being here and reading my ramblings! Feel free to comment on something that changed in your life over the last few years. 

Creating A New Focus for 2021

As the sun rose on the new year it felt different. Social media wasn't flooded with resolutions to disappoint us halfway through the year, instead, there was a quiet, more careful approach to the year. We seemed to step into 2021 like a deer into a quiet clearing, our ears listening for danger, our feet ready to run into hiding. 

2020 had stirred up our anxiety, fear, and sense of self-preservation. With all the losses that 2020 brought we may wonder what this year has in store. So we tip-toed in and now are waiting to see what happens. 

At this point, I have made a decision to take it one day at a time. I will fill out my calendar with the important things, still make plans when possible (and as safe as can be), and embrace the year for improving myself and my family even more than we did in 2020. 

I was able to work with my family to have a pretty smooth last year so I feel like we really are in one of the best places to embrace this year with all we have. Knowing that we are still in the midst of the Pandemic and that it isn't safe to be with friends or distant family makes it a little bit glum for planning the year. We know we won't be able to celebrate any of the spring birthdays with anyone but our household, but for us that is okay, it means we will save some money, we will be safe, and we can always use the money later for planning something fun or the holidays at the end of the year. 

Instead of making resolutions this year, I came up with a list of "New Year Practices". This is a list of things that I would really like to work on and hopefully achieve a regularity of accomplishing. A few of these I started working on in the middle of last year. Now I have them written down and I can see them daily when I open up my household binder! 

Here is what I want to work on. 

1. Making meditation a daily habit. 

2. Communicating my feelings so I don't hold them all in. 

3. Getting some plants. (Not only will this be a fun thing for me because I love gardening, but also is good for my mental health and the quality of air in my home if I get the right ones.) 

4. Make healthier choices. (For this particular practice it includes small choices like not snacking on bad foods to larger choices like what workout to do for the best results.) 

5. PURSUE MY PASSIONS! (This includes everything from my photography, blog, vlog, art, and writing.) 

I think that each of these is easy to achieve with a little planning and hard work. 

Another resource I am happy to have found is the email list of 4 Hats and Frugal - Family Finance Expert. If you join the email list and read the blog you can get a free printable on Fridays as well as all kinds of useful information for using to live your best life. As a bonus to being one of her loyal followers, I was able to take advantage of a recent freebie that is the backbone of my year being what I want it to be! 

One of my favorite things to do to keep track of what I have to do is use lists and planners and low and behold....a freebie of a printable PLANNER! 

Now just as the title of the planner says I can be a more "Focused Mom". It has all the parts I need to organize my house for the entire year! 

If you like lists or want something to keep track of how busy life can get I highly suggest you get yourself a planner. Sometimes you can find a printable version online but if all else fails check Amazon or even just google it. There are tons of cute and functional ones out there to motivate you to organize! 

Another tool I tend to utilize is a large whiteboard, I am working on also getting a corkboard to go beside it but right now I use it for writing our menu for the day, decorate for the holidays, school schedules when we are getting used to them, and any other notices we need to be able to see in that day. 

I think to find some balance this year we have to be prepared for whatever we may have come our way. 

For some of us, that means organizing into planners and calendars so there are no surprises. We have to log when our payments of bills are due and try to put something aside in savings for unexpected bills. For the last couple of years by doing this we have been ready for any financial necessities, extra bills we add, and even for the holiday season to splurge a little more on gifts. This year I am going to make sure we stay on top and since the budget is always being checked against what is spent, we are always on top of things. We may not be the richest of families but we live a life that isn't unhappy. 

We do what we CAN with what we HAVE! 

It has worked for the last 4 years since our family changed and it has been great. Life has thrown its fair share (plus some) of lemons at us but all in all, I feel like our family has stuck it out pretty well only improving with time like a good cheese. (yeah I am not a wine drinker but love a good cheese) 

Just take this year and put into practice some ideas you have always dreamt about. Take it one day at a time, one task at a time, and don't forget to breathe and take time to dream! 

Short Term Goals toward Big Changes

So here I am at the end of my weekend on Sunday afternoon, the TV playing the Seahawks vs. Eagles, me at my desk while my favorite guy yells and cheers on his team in hopes of them winning this game and making it that much closer to the big one. It's the beginning of the first week back to our normally scheduled life. We will be back to school for the kiddos, back to work for my love, and back to maintaining the household for me! Believe it or not, I am actually looking forward to it and I am super happy to implement some new changes into my daily tasks. Today is actually the third day of doing some new things in my life, I have started planning out when during the week I would like to do certain things, such as meditation, drinking more water, and writing this blogpost!

So tomorrow starts a new week, a new adventure and several new chances for small steps to big things! Since I have so much to be excited about doing I plan to enjoy my night, finish watching a movie with my love and head to bed to get some good rest! I hope you all enjoy or have enjoyed your weekend and have a super week ahead! 

Goodnight and keep reading! 💚

Some good news with a little worry....

On Saturday I received a phone call interview from one of the places I applied to. The interview went pretty well and I was told I would hear back from the company by the end of the day. The day went on and I was starting to think that perhaps the interview didn't go as well as I had thought....until about 4:29 pm! I was working on making dinner when the phone rang and I quickly picked it up.

 "I'm looking for Suzanne..." and for the next 20 minutes I chatted with the head of the company about the job and how I felt about it and whether I still felt like I would be a good fit for the position. We chatted about my availability, my family, the pay and various other things for a bit before she told me that she thought I was great and that she would send her opinion and notes back to the woman I had my first interview with, I thanked her for her time and she for mine and we hung up.  I was buzzing with hope and figured it would be another day before I heard whether or not I had gotten the position.  

As I sat down to dinner with my kids the phone rang again. I got a little nervous as I looked down at the caller ID and saw the number lit by the orange glow on the screen. It was the company again! I was told that I was being offered the position and that I would receive an email with all the details and the pay rate for the job. I would have 24 hours to decide if I wanted it! Well DUH. Sure the hours are not always a guarantee, I could work any time from 10 hours to 32 hours depending on the need but I figure ANYTHING is better than nothing at all! and even 10 hours at $12/hr is $120 a week before taxes, and that is way better than $0!!! 

So now that part that I have to worry about...Turns out the dress code of the position is a WHITE, long sleeve, button up, collared shirt. The part about that that sucks is that not only do I NOT have a shirt that fits that criteria, but I don't own a white shirt period! At least not one that hasn't been stained by my wonderful little kiddos. Oh and shoes, it requires BLACK closed toe sneakers/shoes.  My sneakers are green, and holey, and just not going to work.  Now why is this something to worry about? Well because I don't really have the money to buy these things, not even if they are inexpensive....

So I have to try to find the money to get these items, look into childcare since DJ and I will have overlapping shifts if he is working, and check out the bus schedules so that I can get home from work when my shift ends. I have to say right now I am freaking out just a LITTLE bit. I AM however hopeful.....very very very hopeful! 

I am going to try to do this.....key word is TRY! :) 

Hard to stay standing, when again I have fallen....

This morning I woke up and was tired, I had worked a new shift at work yesterday, had trouble sleeping last night and was not entirely ready to greet my alarm at 2:15am with a smile. Still I got up, ate my Special K and headed to work ready to bust my butt for that paycheck like I do everytime I go in! 

Little did I know that my day was about to take a turn for the worst not even an hour into my shift...Apparently today marked the 90th day of being an employee and it was once again review time. As my name was called to the front office and I was leaving my area of work I looked at my supervisor and said uh oh, he laughed and said not to worry it was probably just my review and I'd be back to finish up my work in no time....WELL he was wrong and he had no idea how wrong, I was terminated. 

The reasons were:

I called out twice during my time there (yet if I had gone to work sick I would have gotten in trouble) and....I wasn't a fast enough worker (even though I worked faster than a girl who had been there for 3 years) 

I was devastated, hell I still am! When I was told that I would not even be finishing my shift and to turn in my badge and employee card my heart broke and it took everything in my power not to cry right there in front of my boss....but I held it together as I gave her what she needed and held my head high until I was back at my car...but then I was taken over with my emotion and I sat in my car for about ten minutes crying my eyes out before finally making the 1/2 hour drive home.  As soon as I got home I looked around at the dark house and checked on the kids to make sure they were still asleep (as it was only 5:30am) then I grabbed my laptop, flipped on my DVR and started job searching. By the time the kids woke up at 7:00am I had found about 6 jobs to apply to and had completed the process (including questionnaires and such) of three of the places! I have a few more to do as well as checking out some new leads that I found today when talking to others in the area, but I am too tired to attempt that right now since I have been up since 2am. 

One of the parts that really stings is that I was FINALLY making some friends, people that maybe I could be social with outside of work and now....that is over since I have no way of communicating with them and I was not allowed back on the floor to say goodbye to them before being locked out of the building...the only chance I really have of seeing them again is when I get my check on Friday next week but that is a slim chance as it is not a day they usually work. 

Time to start over again and hope for the best, I am also going to work on losing the weight I have been wanting to lose and getting the help with my unshakeable depression that seems to be looming over me in a bubble of grayness. (I am beginning to think I have a chemical imbalance.) It is just hard for me to feel positive after this setback, especially when this job was my first after ten years of stay at home mom status...It makes me feel like I have failed...but I think finding some help with get me through that. Here is hoping.

May tomorrow be a new day! A better day! 

#MamaHurts #NewFocus