Family Update, with all its bumps and such.

I realize it has been a while since I have updated and if you lived in my house you would be shocked that I can even find anytime to write anything EVER! 

My kiddos keep me so busy and so stressed lately that I sometimes just wish they had little mute buttons or shut down switches like the little robot girl from Small Wonder (a show I watched in the 80's) so I can have a moment to sit, breathe, maybe enjoy some tea or something. 

There has been some new things happening lately. 
First ANDY IS HERE! He got here on the 22nd of June and it has been an adventure to say the least. He is a lot different than he was last year. I have missed so much and it seems like he is growing up WAY faster than he should be. It makes me a little sad because I remember when he used to be kind and his favorite movie was Meet the Robinsons and he wanted to be an architect. Now I ask him his favorite movie and he shrugs, I ask him what he wants to be and he says "I don't know", now he does things to his siblings just to make them yell or cry and he thinks it is funny. What happened to my little boy?! What do I do now? Can I get him back or is this just the beginning of losing what he used to be to what his father has let him become? It just completely hurts my heart. 

Another tidbit of info, I recently had to have surgery. Nothing really huge just the same thing I had done a few years ago only this time they put in an IUD as well so I won't be having anymore babies any time soon. There does seem to be a little difference in my recovery this time though. This time I am in more pain that last time, this time they gave me a breathing tube and now my throat is killing me. I cannot yell, much to my children's happiness I am sure (probably to DJs as well) and even when I talk my voice will drop out. My bleeding post op was not as heavy but due to me being a stubborn ass I am bleeding more today than I was when I first got out. I am guessing I am not doing to well with the whole "take it easy" advice via the doctors. I am trying to do better. Hopefully tomorrow I can be a little smarter. I just have so much on my mind, there are some things I am working out with my stress and it just seems like there are never enough hours in the day. 

Lately I have been trying to find a connection spiritually as well and some days I don't know if I have found it yet. I have so many years of being turned away from accepting my faith. So many years ago I was involved with my spirituality. I was in the church choir, I was made a youth pastor, I was someone that comforted others in their time of need and celebrated with them as they wed or found their place in the spirit. Now I feel lost, like I maybe waited to long to try to find myself again. I just don't know. I just want to be happy, I want my children to be happy, I want my fiance to be happy. I just don't know how to make everyone happy. Maybe I can't maybe that is the big picture but I am trying everyday to at least get a little closer to making the people in my life proud of me. 

Speaking of proud though, I am of my little girl! She just finished her first year of Girl Scouts last month. At the bridging ceremony she was able to recite her promise and received 27 new badges and 3 pins to add to her Brownie vest! She was so excited and it was a great night. She cannot wait for the next season to start up and she is working on earning some badges over the summer. She is also super excited to be going to camp for the first time ever (and it is overnight) during a week of Harry Potter themes and lots of Girl Scout like activities. I cannot believe how old she is already and how fast she has grown. 

Time seems to fly these days, Andrew turns 11 next month, Mckenzee 8 the following month and before I know it Spencer will be 3!

I am feeling a little emotional right now, and in some pain that I should really try laying down and relaxing now but I felt the need to write this down and let you all in again since it has been so long!

I will write more soon!