Being Scared of the World, While being a MOM!

Hi, if you are reading this that must mean the boredom and need to stay busy has gotten to you and you have stumbled across my wonderous blog. If that is the case then...WELCOME!!! If you are a follower or a fan thanks for sticking around during this crazy time in the world!

If any of you are like me then you are also a parent at home with kids that would normally be in school during the day so things may be a little out of whack for you! Well, guess what...

THAT IS OKAY!

The world is super crazy and scary right now and not having it all together is the kind of thing we all have in common right now. There are so many people who are trying their hardest to be teachers, improvisational cooks, keep the house in order and make sure that everyone is keeping up on their hygiene. It is hard, especially with so much fear and uncertainty in our futures. We need to stop pushing our selves to keep the same schedules and to-do lists and embrace the looser side of the days.

Are you someone who likes to make lists and cross off everything as you do it? Instead of making a new list each day, make one big list broken into three parts.

In this section, you want to write down the big things to get done before the month is over. This could be writing up your meal plan and shopping list for the following month, cleaning out a closet, reorganizing a room in your home, etc. These are items you can be a little lax on and leaves time for ...

In this section, you'll put things like laundry, changing bed sheets, cleaning out the refrigerator, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. These are things that you want to keep up on a little bit more for hygiene reasons and of course so you can keep up with what you may have stored behind that jar of jam or gallon of milk at the bottom of your fridge! (I know I myself am not a fan of finding that leftover pot roast or chicken soup several weeks later when it has developed it's own islands of mold and bacteria residents lol)

This is the section that will change the most and if you use a whiteboard like I do that makes it much easier to change when you need to. Right now I have small boards for the kids to put their personal to-do lists on and one large one in the kitchen we use for the menu of the day and most other notes. Here you can put things like, work on schoolwork, dishes, prep meals, bake something, and if you want to do smaller lists for the kids and designate a set time for the lists to be checked off, then you can put things like, make beds, get dressed, brush teeth, set table, pick up toys, read two books, etc. Make them quick chores and tasks so that there is still time to be together and reassure them that together you can get through this time.


I am still working on my board for the next month as this one is pretty much over. I will post that picture with my blog post on Tuesday to bring us into April. Tune in then to see how I played it out and use some of your own creativity and I would love to see yours!

Now comes my biggest TIP/SECRET/IDEA THAT WORKS FOR ME:

Take one day and do NOT make a list for that day. Take that day off, spend it with the kids doing fun stuff they choose to do, let them pick dinner that day, make a fun snack, stay in pj's and cuddle watching movies on Disney+, Hulu, Netflix or any other streaming service you might have.

**side note, I will be making a post about some fun shows and movies I discovered when I ran out of things on the DVR to watch** Should be fun! 

But anyway, take a day to just have fun and try to enjoy the togetherness you can get with your family that life usually doesn't give us a moment for like we would like. It is ok to be afraid of what's to come and what has already happened. It is ok to feel overwhelmed and like you cannot seem to stay on track. DO NOT be hard on yourself. (trust me I know from first-hand experience this does NOT help anything lol) be kind to yourselves and others. We need kindness more than anything right now in the world. I hope this helps you a little bit or at least gives you something new to try to keep some of the sanity at this time.

See you again soon! Keep reading and we will keep living! <3 

The Winds of Change

Well it is happening, we are going back to CT. My heart has been there since we left and it seems I couldn't be truly happy out here like I wanted to be. Mckenzee is happy about it, Spencer, well I don't think he has a clue, and DJ is the one disappointed in us wanting to go home.
He has worked so hard out here and tried to make us a life and I didn't make it easy on him. I know I probably could have tried harder but without Andy and without my friends and family I felt a little piece of my soul was missing.
I know it doesn't matter what I say because he is still not happy about it but I wish he knew that I WANTED our lives to work out here...I really did, but I am not happy. As much as I love him and all the things he has done for us it still doesn't take the ache of not being able to see my son everyday or any time I want, it doesn't give me my mom to go out to coffee with and to watch cheesy movies with my friends while we talk about our kids.

Now some may say I am selfish that if he is happy here then I should be happy because at least I am with him. Okay I understand that reasoning and if I had had a normal family filled life and didn't have a son I have to fly out here just to see once a year then maybe I would agree with you but that is not me.
I spent YEARS being alone, homeless, moving from city to city to find work, a place to sleep, someone who DIDN'T abuse me. I never got to have a great relationship with my mother until I was late into my 20s and it really just got good when I entered my 30s....I am now 34, and I miss my mother something terribly. I totally love the friends I have finally made so many years past the ones I made many years ago and lost track of or touch with until recently. For me it was just when things in my personal life were falling into place that I made the decision to leave it all behind for him and his decision. I had high hopes and I had no idea it would be so hard but should I continue to feel like I am hurt inside and truly missing out for this...maybe I should, maybe I AM selfish.
But this is what is happening...I am going home....I need to go home!

Overtired Mama

I think I am suffering from severe overtired mom syndrome. I am not sleeping well lately because my mind gets away from me like the moment I try to shut it off. I will start thinking about what I got done during the day, and what I didn't get done during the day. I will think about future appointments, jobs, money, birthdays, holidays, the kids, you name it and my mind decides that bedtime is the perfect time to think about it all! 

I am sure many of you know what I mean, and the more you tell yourself to stop thinking, the more you tend to think about. It is a never ending circle. 

One of the worst parts of being overtired besides the fatigue is that fact that I am uber sensitive. I feel very emotional on occasion even a little day-dreamy. I made the mistake of catching a sappy movie on TV and my daughter wanted to know why I was crying. Honestly I wasn't sure what to tell her, so I tried to explain to her what I was feeling, she didn't understand and eventually she went to her room to play dress-up because "Mommy is being silly" as she told her little brother when he followed her. 

I am hoping all I am feeling is just stress and fatigue and not anything serious. I suppose the only way I would be able to figure that out is with sleep but who knows when I will get enough of that. 

Being a Mama is a 24 hour a day job and Spencer has had some strange nights lately, plus I am still adjusting to the school schedule...it is all about the changes that I am getting used to. The worries for the future that will probably NEVER go away, the weird dreams, the wishing for things to start feeling better and not so crazy stressed. 

I am an overwhelmed, over-tired Mama....as I am sure many are! 

Tomorrow is a new day!  I am determined to get some GOOD sleep tonight *insert sarcastic "yeah right" laugh here* 

Goodnight faithful readers and please feel free to leave me some extra energy you may have in the comments *wink wink* 

#MamaNeedsSleep #TheSunWillComeUp #Tomorrow 

Some good news with a little worry....

On Saturday I received a phone call interview from one of the places I applied to. The interview went pretty well and I was told I would hear back from the company by the end of the day. The day went on and I was starting to think that perhaps the interview didn't go as well as I had thought....until about 4:29 pm! I was working on making dinner when the phone rang and I quickly picked it up.

 "I'm looking for Suzanne..." and for the next 20 minutes I chatted with the head of the company about the job and how I felt about it and whether I still felt like I would be a good fit for the position. We chatted about my availability, my family, the pay and various other things for a bit before she told me that she thought I was great and that she would send her opinion and notes back to the woman I had my first interview with, I thanked her for her time and she for mine and we hung up.  I was buzzing with hope and figured it would be another day before I heard whether or not I had gotten the position.  

As I sat down to dinner with my kids the phone rang again. I got a little nervous as I looked down at the caller ID and saw the number lit by the orange glow on the screen. It was the company again! I was told that I was being offered the position and that I would receive an email with all the details and the pay rate for the job. I would have 24 hours to decide if I wanted it! Well DUH. Sure the hours are not always a guarantee, I could work any time from 10 hours to 32 hours depending on the need but I figure ANYTHING is better than nothing at all! and even 10 hours at $12/hr is $120 a week before taxes, and that is way better than $0!!! 

So now that part that I have to worry about...Turns out the dress code of the position is a WHITE, long sleeve, button up, collared shirt. The part about that that sucks is that not only do I NOT have a shirt that fits that criteria, but I don't own a white shirt period! At least not one that hasn't been stained by my wonderful little kiddos. Oh and shoes, it requires BLACK closed toe sneakers/shoes.  My sneakers are green, and holey, and just not going to work.  Now why is this something to worry about? Well because I don't really have the money to buy these things, not even if they are inexpensive....

So I have to try to find the money to get these items, look into childcare since DJ and I will have overlapping shifts if he is working, and check out the bus schedules so that I can get home from work when my shift ends. I have to say right now I am freaking out just a LITTLE bit. I AM however hopeful.....very very very hopeful! 

I am going to try to do this.....key word is TRY! :)