The Winds of Change

Well it is happening, we are going back to CT. My heart has been there since we left and it seems I couldn't be truly happy out here like I wanted to be. Mckenzee is happy about it, Spencer, well I don't think he has a clue, and DJ is the one disappointed in us wanting to go home.
He has worked so hard out here and tried to make us a life and I didn't make it easy on him. I know I probably could have tried harder but without Andy and without my friends and family I felt a little piece of my soul was missing.
I know it doesn't matter what I say because he is still not happy about it but I wish he knew that I WANTED our lives to work out here...I really did, but I am not happy. As much as I love him and all the things he has done for us it still doesn't take the ache of not being able to see my son everyday or any time I want, it doesn't give me my mom to go out to coffee with and to watch cheesy movies with my friends while we talk about our kids.

Now some may say I am selfish that if he is happy here then I should be happy because at least I am with him. Okay I understand that reasoning and if I had had a normal family filled life and didn't have a son I have to fly out here just to see once a year then maybe I would agree with you but that is not me.
I spent YEARS being alone, homeless, moving from city to city to find work, a place to sleep, someone who DIDN'T abuse me. I never got to have a great relationship with my mother until I was late into my 20s and it really just got good when I entered my 30s....I am now 34, and I miss my mother something terribly. I totally love the friends I have finally made so many years past the ones I made many years ago and lost track of or touch with until recently. For me it was just when things in my personal life were falling into place that I made the decision to leave it all behind for him and his decision. I had high hopes and I had no idea it would be so hard but should I continue to feel like I am hurt inside and truly missing out for this...maybe I should, maybe I AM selfish.
But this is what is happening...I am going home....I need to go home!