The Winds of Change

Well it is happening, we are going back to CT. My heart has been there since we left and it seems I couldn't be truly happy out here like I wanted to be. Mckenzee is happy about it, Spencer, well I don't think he has a clue, and DJ is the one disappointed in us wanting to go home.
He has worked so hard out here and tried to make us a life and I didn't make it easy on him. I know I probably could have tried harder but without Andy and without my friends and family I felt a little piece of my soul was missing.
I know it doesn't matter what I say because he is still not happy about it but I wish he knew that I WANTED our lives to work out here...I really did, but I am not happy. As much as I love him and all the things he has done for us it still doesn't take the ache of not being able to see my son everyday or any time I want, it doesn't give me my mom to go out to coffee with and to watch cheesy movies with my friends while we talk about our kids.

Now some may say I am selfish that if he is happy here then I should be happy because at least I am with him. Okay I understand that reasoning and if I had had a normal family filled life and didn't have a son I have to fly out here just to see once a year then maybe I would agree with you but that is not me.
I spent YEARS being alone, homeless, moving from city to city to find work, a place to sleep, someone who DIDN'T abuse me. I never got to have a great relationship with my mother until I was late into my 20s and it really just got good when I entered my 30s....I am now 34, and I miss my mother something terribly. I totally love the friends I have finally made so many years past the ones I made many years ago and lost track of or touch with until recently. For me it was just when things in my personal life were falling into place that I made the decision to leave it all behind for him and his decision. I had high hopes and I had no idea it would be so hard but should I continue to feel like I am hurt inside and truly missing out for this...maybe I should, maybe I AM selfish.
But this is what is happening...I am going home....I need to go home!

Down to One...

Well today Miss Mckenzee is officially off to CT with her uncle and cousin to visit for 12 days! 

I am down to one child here with me now...it makes me a little sad. First Andy left to go back to his Dad's and I won't see him again until next summer, and now Zee is in CT for the next almost 2 weeks. So it is just me and Spencer when DJ is at work. It is going to be semi-quiet here. I say semi because Spencer is a ball of noise himself. I have to say grocery shopping and running errands will be a lot easier now since I only have to worry about him and he doesn't ask for much nor will he have anyone to argue or fight with. 

Zee & Memere 2010

Mckenzee will be spending the first few days with my mom, who is going to sew all the patches on her brownie vest and possibly take her to Gillette's Castle to visit the "Princess Pond" (as we named it) and "Kenzee's Frogs" as we named the statues outside the castle back when she was about 3 years old. 

Gillette's Castle 2010 

Princess Pond 2010

Mckenzee with HER frog lol  2010

She was so excited about her visit to CT that she was ready to go around noon today! Waiting was driving her nuts but they weren't due to be at the airport until around 7pm and their flight still didn't leave until around 9pm.  It was so funny to see her hopping all over the place itching to get going. I even made her suitcase easy for her to find stuff in because I organized all her outfits into little matched rolls in it. Each outfit is a top/bottom and underwear and some of them even her her bras and socks rolled into them as well so that they are all completed! I was surprised I was able to fit so much in there and now that I found out it is 12 days and not 10 days I am very glad I packed extra shirts, socks and bottoms! (Otherwise she may have run out!) 

Now I have tucked Spencer into bed, am going to lay down and get some rest before the little guy wakes up in the morning. Hope you all have a wonderful night!