So He's Gone....

Took a piece of me with him too. As he always does when I have to say goodbye!

 I think I did remarkably well though considering how I was feeling on the inside, I didn't truly "lose it" until he walked away and waved goodbye...Then the flood gates opened and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I missed him the second he was out of my sight and I even now still have a lump in my throat as I sit here. I am trying my best to just keep my head up and I know I will see him again in 11 months but that is just so damn far away! I swear anyone who wants to know what a broken heart feels like, have a child after several doctors told you you NEVER would, love that child with your entire existence on earth, then have the father of that child pay a kick-ass lawyer to basically keep that child away from you for most of his life...I certainly got the raw end of the deal from a man who HAD to have a paternity test because he refused to believe said child was his!!!!

Ugh, anyway like I said I am sitting here a little broken but willing to make the best of a horrid situation. I know that only a few years more have to pass before my son can make the decision himself to choose where he would rather live, and judging from the way he talks about his father and the way he acted when I made him call him so he wouldn't think I was holding him hostage, I am pretty sure he would rather be here...with his baby brother and sister and his mother who knows that being his best friend AND his mother has to be delicately and appropriately balanced.

Tomorrow I am going to upload all the pictures of the fun we had the last two days with him before he had to leave all the way up to him watching his plane pull into the airport for boarding...I am just too tired and too hollow right now to do it! I PROMISE I will be more chipper tomorrow, maybe not "Susie-Sunshine" but on the way there...Good night!

Thank you all my faithful readers!

#MamaACHES