Four Days

It is only four days until my heart breaks a little and I pack up my Andy and send him back to his dad in Connecticut. He is going to be taking a little piece of my heart with him when he goes too because even though he can drive me bonkers and fights constantly with his sister, life is just not complete without him.

I hate that the justice system thought it was better that he stay behind and I only get him for one month....JUST ONE MONTH in the summer! I miss his birthday which is just a few weeks away (he turns ten), I miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and Easter all because I wanted to pursue a better life for my family in another state. I really don't understand how they think that is fair in any way but there is nothing I can do about it right now....I lost the fight. A month just goes by way too fast! We spent most of it either having me work or packing/unpacking. There was no time, no money, just not enough of anything to make this the best I could....I just am not ready to let him go yet. (Not that I EVER am)

We have plans to celebrate his birthday/last day with us on Monday but because of all the last minute expenses we are unable to do exactly what we wanted. We are still hoping to do some of what we wanted but it is nothing like it could have been if things had been a little easier for us. I am still going to make the best of what I can and make him a yummy cake in his favorite flavors and colors! Hopefully I will be able to get him something as a gift but I don't know if I will be able to guess I have to wait and see how the bill paying goes.

In the long run I am just going to have to suck it up, send him back to CT and wait anxiously for next summer to come so I can hold him and kiss him and have him with me again. I am also doing my best to not let him know how much I am hurting because I don't want him to get upset but it is so hard. Guess I should be glad he can't see me at this moment because I can barely see what I am typing with the tears falling down my face....It is moments like these that make me wonder how any mother or father can give up a child or abandon or hurt one that they gave birth to...it hurts just to lose him for 11 months I couldn't imagine a lifetime....

I apologize for this being so sad and understand if you are upset now and I promise by next week to try and cheer up my posts but you are warned that any this week may be just as upsetting if not worse as his leaving nears and then arrives....I can't help it, I am a Mom and my baby is going away and I hurt.

Thank you for being a faithful reader and please leave a comment so I know someone out there understands or at least is reading :)

#MomsBrokenHeart